Hey Ali
2 Corinthians 12:9 is a verse that has helped me so much in my friendship with God:
"“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”
If we had no weaknesses, God's power and strength couldn't be made known through our weak and sinful lives. God does not want you to dwell on the past. I have felt the same way before, and it is such a bondage to be in... please don't let yourself be there. Ask God to set you free from that and to forgive you for what you've done - and He will forgive you!
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
-1 John 1:9
I'll pray for you!