Sex And Dating

What do we do if we are in a relationship with our boyfriends and girlfriends and either one wants to have sex and you really care about this person and you don't know what to do

Well first of all any guy or girl worth dating should not pressure you into something you don't want to do. If they don't love you enough to wait for you they are not worth you sharing your heart with them. Also, to me morals and my standards are very important so I would not date a guy where sex is an option. I realize temptation comes into play, but I am very firm on my decision for sexual purity and I think he would have to be too.

xdreamingHisdreamsx wrote:

Well first of all any guy or girl worth dating should not pressure you into something you don't want to do. If they don't love you enough to wait for you they are not worth you sharing your heart with them. Also, to me morals and my standards are very important so I would not date a guy where sex is an option. I realize temptation comes into play, but I am very firm on my decision for sexual purity and I think he would have to be too.

I completely and totally agree with what Emily said. I'll add that you should never worry about offending the guy (or the guy offending the girl, whatever the case may be), because God comes first. For me, I have also made the decision that sex will not be an option in the relationship. So, if a guy would try to pressure me into it, I would remind him of my standards for myself. I can't worry about offending him by either telling him no or even ending the relationship. If he really cared about me, he would respect me enough to wait and it would also not be an option for him. Morals have to be mutual in a relationship in order for it to really work. That's why it's good to set standards for yourself before you are in a relationship so that it leaves no room for compromise when you are in one. And then it's also good for both the guy and girl to set boundaries for the relationship... the higher, the better.

I can use this someday.

wow you girls are strict. i mean there's strict,but you girls are extremely strict.

Is there something wrong with that? Molly and I know what we want. And I would rather be too strict then be regretful when I grow up because I wasn't strict enough. You know.

xdreamingHisdreamsx wrote:

Is there something wrong with that? Molly and I know what we want. And I would rather be too strict then be regretful when I grow up because I wasn't strict enough. You know.

yeah there is. i've heard what u girls are looking for in a guy, and i have to say if i knew u or saw any of you i would not want to date you.not because i dont respect you, but because there would be no breathing room in the relationship, there would only be what u wanted and thats it. and yeah you'll say no and all but it's the truth.

I do see where you are coming from. I do see how it could seem there is no breathing room. I do get that. But I and I am pretty sure molly too, would only date a guy who wanted the same thing. I wouldn't date a guy where sex is an option. To me, I couldn't have a relationship with someone who didn't share my beliefs. So, it wouldn't be only what I wanted it would be what we wanted.

chuckm wrote:

xdreamingHisdreamsx wrote:

Is there something wrong with that? Molly and I know what we want. And I would rather be too strict then be regretful when I grow up because I wasn't strict enough. You know.

yeah there is. i've heard what u girls are looking for in a guy, and i have to say if i knew u or saw any of you i would not want to date you.not because i dont respect you, but because there would be no breathing room in the relationship, there would only be what u wanted and thats it. and yeah you'll say no and all but it's the truth.

I can also see where you're coming from, but no that is not the truth or the way that it would be. Like Emily said, I would only be in a relationship with a guy who has the same morals as me. So to say that there would be no breathing room or that it would be all about what I wanted is not the truth. If we both set boundaries for the relationship and if we both have the same beliefs and morals, then we would both be on the same page. However, the relationship wouldn't be about me or the guy. It would be about God. And if the guy didn't respect that, he wouldn't respect me, we wouldn't have the same morals or beliefs, and therefore I don't believe that he would be the one for me. Right now, I'm trusting God. Because it's not about what I want, what the guy wants, or what we both want together. It's about what God wants. It's not about being extremely strict, it's about following God.

okey dokey whatever

soooo, you want sex in a realtionship?

now did i say that?

No, but you did say you wouldn't date us because there would be no "breathing" room. It can be implied that that means no room for sex or for a physical relationship.

yeah it could be implied, but that's still an assumption. there is no breathing room because of all your stinkin standards. i have no standards, just morals and that is enough. and the girl being a christian and all that is just common sense.

lol, this whole thing is making me laugh! Ok, I think i can see where both of you guys are coming from... One, if your looking for the "prefect" guy... Give up now!!! I can tell you right now that no guy can might every single standard some has for them... Yes, you need to make sure he is following the Lord, and that his beliefs are the same... If the guy truely loves the Lord, then he is going to be trying to do want the Lord wants! So I think that takes care of most of it... Don't Expect to find a guy thats prefect... I really don't think we need to have people try to line up to our standards... I don't really get why we would do that... Line him up with GOD'S then go from there!!! Or a girl, for us guys...

I am not looking for a perfect guy. I know that is impossible to find. But I am expecting to find a guy who doesn't want to waste his purity. I don't think that is too high a standard. Also, if I set my standards high I will not be inclined to settle with someone who isn't right for me. I don't want to be aimlessly dating every christian guy, because that is my only standard.

I am also not looking for the perfect guy and I'm not expecting to find a guy who is near perfect. Not at all. It would be self-righteous to even think of trying to find the perfect guy, because who am I? I am far from perfect. Something that I am trying to get across here is that it doesn't matter if the guy claims to be a Christian. Many people do, but they don't live like it and they don't follow Christ. So there has to be a higher moral, guideline, standard, whatever you want to call it. And I am also not asking the guy anything that I am not willing to give of myself. I agree that there are standards that are too high and guidelines that are not realistic. I am not trying to set those, because that's just what they are - unrealistic. For one thing, it's not about me. Who am I to say, "Oh, he isn't like that so he isn't the one for me?" Only God knows. I am simply just trying to follow Him.

so tell me, what r some of your standards?

I understand what you guys are saying... My point is... People are going to come short of our standards... Any way you look at it... I'm just saying, why don't you let God set the standards... Have him show you who he has for you... I'm sure you girls know this... but I thought I would just share it anyways... And I completely understand looking for someone that has the same purpose/goals/beliefs/etc... All good stuff!!! But just remember to let God define the right type of guy for you...

I agree with you, David. That's why I look to God's Word when I set standards. I know that God has one guy out there for me (if it's in His will) and that guy will fit exactly what God wants for me. All I have to do is trust Him, pray for my future husband, and guard and prepare myself for him and marriage. One of my standards is that the guy will try to zealously follow Christ (Romans 12:11). Also, that he will be able to lead me spiritually. Both are biblical and of God. I know that God has one person out there for me and He knows exactly who that person is and where he is at right now in his walk with God. I am just trusting God and praying for my future husband. Maybe my standards are more for myself than for the guy... because you are right, David, people will never live up to our standards because we live in a less-than-perfect world. But to have no guidelines, no standards, or no morals would be dangerous and would leave a lot of room for compromise. Yet it is also dangerous to have unrealistic ones. That's why we need to go to God's Word for our guidance.

Me too.It helps you make reasonable standards.

No offense, Molly, but your standards are something one would set for their spouse. I seriously doubt you're going to find your one true love in high school.

Vox wrote:

No offense, Molly, but your standards are something one would set for their spouse. I seriously doubt you're going to find your one true love in high school.

But wouldn't you agree that it's good to be prepared? No, I'm not dating right now. However, I think that it's good to prepare myself for my spouse and for marriage. The Apostle Paul talks about singleness as being a gift. I also believe that it is a gift and it should not be wasted. This is the time of my life where I am free to serve God wholeheartedly with everything that I am. And I also believe that now is a good time to prepare myself for whoever God has for me, no matter when I meet him.

Vox wrote:

No offense, Molly, but your standards are something one would set for their spouse. I seriously doubt you're going to find your one true love in high school.

Well, the purpose of dating is to find your spouse. Isn't it? I am not going to date multiple people just to have a good time in high school. I am not dating right now, and won't until God wants me to.

I never really set standards for my spouse, other than she can't be cruel, broken, evil, etc., etc.
I always imagined that the right one would be the one I fall in love with.